We bought a house because we had a row. The beloved and I were renting a three-bedroom house a few streets away from where we live now. One morning the chest of drawers holding the monkeys collapsed. It collapsed cartoon style. The sides came in like it was sighing, my husband rushed to remove the drawers while I held the damn thing together to save injuries. Swear words were shouted, monkeys were roared at, exclamations of shock and fear were heard. In that moment we were not out best selves. I headed to a meeting in Birmingham in tears. The beloved was left to deal with the rubble. I missed my train, called my boss and told him I would not be at the meeting or in work and cried on the bus home.
After another sweary conversation with the beloved, I got home feeling very sorry for myself. Being overdramatic by nature I stomped around for a bit then got bored. Really bored. Like call a mortgage broker to see what we could afford bored. We’d been talking about buying a house but our options were limited. We needed to live near the monkeys. We definitely needed four bedrooms, two bathrooms and it needed to be ready to move into. We did not have the time or funds for work. I called the estate agent and shouted at him for sending us to see two houses that needed a lot of work. Tonnes of it. I told him we needed three bedrooms but preferably four. It had to be within half a mile of our current place and it needed to be perfect. No work required. I think I took him by surprise. He said that a property had gone on the market that day. There were no viewings yet but it was four streets away with four bedrooms and from the notes it was already a family home in excellent condition. I booked a viewing that evening.
When the beloved got him I told him not to take his coat off we were going to look at a house. We’d been together six months so he was used to this. As we got to the house I said “I know this is it”. It was. Ten minutes later I wanted to make an offer. Fifteen minutes later I did. It was accepted the next morning.
Once we moved in, we said we didn’t need to do anything but decorate the monkeys’ room and the living room. Everything was perfect. No need to change a thing.
Then we realised the windows and doors needed replacing. So we did that. Then the boiler broke and we needed a new one. So we did that. Then we decided to change the kitchen. So we did that which was lucky as the builders had great fun flicking the tiles and watching them fall off the walls. We were done. The house was great.
Then we moved my Mum in so we needed to decorate again as eldest monkey moved into the office and Mum had a nice room. But the old shower cubicle wasn’t easy for Mum to get into so we planned to replace it. The plan changed to a new glittery bathroom. Plus we needed more storage. That required insulating and cladding the loft and moving the hatch so the beloved did not have to jump across the stairwell to get in. Done! We can rest.
Then eldest monkey said she wanted to be in a room with her sisters. That meant triple bunk beds, new bedding and transforming a bedroom back into an office. While we were at it, we can refurbish the outside loo so we had an in case of emergency pee here space. Why not put more cupboards under the stairs while we are doing the work so we have space for the drier and more storage. Yes!
Next week our plumber, Barry, is coming to service the boiler and move a radiator so we can put french doors in the dining room. This in the house that needed no work. This is not counting all the new couches we’ve been through. And chairs. And dining tables.
All of this in two and a half years. I do move at quite a lick when I want something but maybe I should take it easy on the home improvements. I want to create a warm, friendly family home. I think I’ve done that but now it’s time to create a warm, friendly me. After a January of reflection, I think 2018 should be time to stop and enjoy what the beloved and I have created. If you see me in Ikea put a reasonably priced blanket over me and gently lead me to the exit and tell me to come back in 2019.