I very good at coping with change. I know this as my very wise friend Sarah told me this as I was sobbing about how much I hate change. It was a mentoring session so I trusted that she knew what she was talking about.
Humans do not like change. As a species, we want to predict what is coming and control it if possible. Change ballses that up. When I was wailing to Sarah about the change that I hated so much I had lost my job and was settling into a new firm, my car crash of a relationship shaped thing was coming to an end and this meant leaving a flat I should have never have moved into and I was moving back to my home city, something I said I would never do. This process also opened my eyes to the fact that I had many friends who weren’t my friends. From first hard conversation with my employer to starting my new job was a period of 24 days. Twenty four days. Just over three weeks. It took me another four weeks to find somewhere to live and I moved in three weeks later. A complete reshaping of my entire life in ten weeks. I was a mess.
A complete mess. But a mess with a job, a roof over my head and a new life to build I was functioning. Sarah pointed out that this is unusual. Most people would wave the white flag at this, just for a little bit. I got on with it. I don’t think she meant this as a compliment, merely as an observation. It was probably more of a warning because I did need to take some time work out what had happened.
Skip forward 18 months and I met my husband. Ten days after we met we got engaged. He was separated with three kids. I was 37. I had decided at 16 that I never wanted children and getting married held no great allure but I loved him so there were changes afoot. Then the monkeys moved in three nights a week. Step-parenthood was a new adventure. That and extended families and ex-wives. They were new too.
I’ve had three years of the monkeys being here on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday nights. There was a rhythm to life. And now it’s changing again. The two youngest monkeys have started school. I need to request a change to my hours at work so I can collect them two days a week. Their Mum obviously doesn’t want to miss out on the time she has with them now so we are moving to having the kids alternate weeks. This means weekends with the beloved which we have never had before. It all feels strange and I am at sea.
DURING THE WRITING OF THIS POST THINGS CHANGED AGAIN.
Seriously, while writing about change, things changed. After a wee tantrum I’ve accepted it and am now working out how to deal with the new routine.
I have no clue as to why I am so capable of dealing with change but rolling with it is a vital life skill. Nothing is ever predictable. You are at the mercy of the universe, the whims of others and the demands of life. You can cry, wail and bemoan your fate, as I frequently do, but then you need to get on with it. Staying in your comfort zone is a trap. People use the quote “this too shall pass” to get them through tough times but it applies to the good times too.
As I’m going through this latest set of changes I’ve learned for the first time that staying out of the comfortable space doesn’t mean swinging a wrecking ball through your life like I usually do. It is possible, preferable even, to change parts of your life and not all of them. It could be a routine change, taking more time for myself or learning something new. So this is my reminder next time I’m dealing with change to acknowledge it, swear loudly, accept it, breathe and then get on with it. And brace yourself for the next change.