The beloved and have just got back from a mini break in Amsterdam. It was great to have time together but from the moment we got that one thing became really clear: I do not travel well. I wrote about that here but really it is not my forte.
I got myself into quite a state because I am really bad at something that most people love. I mean really, really bad. Let’s be clear. I can book hotels and flights like a master and I’ve yet to find a foreign public transport system that defeated me. I can guide you across a number of cities, direct you to some fantastic places to eat and beautiful sights. I am good. The thing is people who love to travel do not start crying when they land. They don’t search for flights home later that day. They do not have an emergency fund for such occasion. No.
When crying my eyes out I told my husband that I should love travel. That travel broadens the mind, expands the horizons, takes us out of our comfort zones. And this is all true but if you are saying this while sobbing and simultaneously choking on croissant crumbs in the middle of the Van Gogh museum it’s probably not true for you.
The problem here is the word “should”. Should is responsible for so much misery. We should spend time with that person, we should go to this place, we should dress like that, eat this, act properly, enjoy something else. Down with bloody should. Something you should do is never going to make you feel fizzy.
Now Amsterdam was great. It’s so laidback. The food is fantastic and getting around is a breeze. We had a great time wandering about, chatting and people watching. The thing is, I don’t want to do it again.
Travel is a should for me, not a want. I’m going to concentrate on my wants. I want to spend more time with the beloved, I want to read more, I want see more films, I want to make sausage rolls, pasties and a cracking curry, I want to spend more time with my friends, I want to write and be creative, I want to go on interesting walks with the hound. I want to love the life I have, not the life I think I should have.
So no more shoulds and the passport is going back the drawer where it belongs.