One of the reasons I’ve been so bad at writing recently is my depression and anxiety came back and I have been struggling to function. I thought I was over the worst as I didn’t have the hideous brain fog that accompanies as a severe episode but by Tuesday this week I was a crying, panic attacking mess. I have been the epitome of fragile. It’s not been pretty.
Then, last night, I got an impromptu invitation to see my friend G-Boo. I got a message that said “do you want to come round?” and with that, I was playing out. The beloved joked and asked me if I wanted him to pack a teddy bear and a snack as I was acting like I was 7. I left the teddy and took wine.
I spent four hours on her sofa trading tunes on Spotify, chatting up a storm about work, life, the monkeys, her family, music, books and everything in between. I now know her favourite Michael Jackson song (Black or White), whose voice she’d like (Adele) as well as her most re-read novel (Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro). We discussed our love of Beyonce, Ludacris and her love of Sum 41. She did try to poison me with some truly dreadful sweets which tasted like aniseed floor cleaner but I forgive her.
In the middle of all this, she told me calmly and firmly what I needed to hear: that I was doing a good job, that I was valued and loved and that I needed to be kind to myself. She brooked no objection, would not listen to my justifications for tearing myself to pieces, she kept going until I saw myself as she does. I danced home on air.
I have been medicated and I am in therapy but a conversation out of the blue with a friend who cares has done more than these things right now. Whatever you need to do to find the chink of light in the darkness and this time this has been it.
My friends and family are so caring, funny and wise. I’m bloody lucky and I know it. So if you are feeling down and it’s been like that for a while, go to the doctors, get help and then grab a mate and spend some time chatting about the inconsequential stuff because if it does nothing else it will let you know that you are not alone. And you’ll get to find out their views on Natasha Bedingfield.