I’ve not been writing for a while. Just a little while but a significant while for me. Life went flat. All fizz had gone and the lights were starting to dim. I have had nothing fizzy to say because I believed there was nothing fizzy to feel.
There was no big dramatic event. simply the slow build-up of daily life taking a toll. The day job, the beloved’s day job, three monkeys, a mutt, a mother, friendships, finances, getting older and no pigging wiser. Not a single straw broke the camel’s back, nothing is broken. This camel is battered, bruised and tired.
I could have gone on for quite some time like this. In a cycle of feeling ok, then tired, then overwhelmed, then crying and not getting out of bed, then starting again. I’m good at that. I’ve been doing it for years. It was time to stop pretending to be ok.
I’ve been to the GP and I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and stress. I need medication, therapy and kindness. I need to learn to be kind to myself. Kind to myself. I will take my medication and I will be honest with my therapist but kind to myself? Kind to myself is terrifying. Kind to myself is cross the street and leg it scary. I can be kind to my family, my friends, acquaintances, strangers and any animal that I come across but that will not help.
I need to learn to be kind to me. I need to learn what I, Fizzy Pixie, want to think, feel and do and then treat myself with love. I need to explore my own fizziness. So that’s what I’m going to do. With wobbly legs and a messy brain I am going to start caring for myself. I will share some of what I learn here and they’ll be tagged “messy brain”. I’m also going to resume normal writing service as writing makes me fizzy.
Wish me luck and be kind to yourself.