I am blessed with a strangely puritanical streak. Not sure where it came from but it is fun to blame a church education. It shows up in odd ways. The work ethic that leaves you burnt out, a twitch which comes when someone is not doing the correct thing, the idea that free time and culture is something that must be endured. Yup. Funsies! It’s all eat your greens, don’t colour outside the lines and only use your indoor voice.
Now, I jettisoned the eating my veg and being quiet years ago but measured pleasure? I’ve got that sorted. The dreaded shoulds creep into my free time. Actually, it’s not free time, it’s my life. I cannot manufacture more time, it’s not free, you cannot top up or buy more. I’ll try again. The dreaded shoulds creep into my time and it is their job to keep the joy to a minimum level.
I thought I had conquered my internal demon that demanded every book started must be finished years ago but apparently not. My work book club chose a book for humour month that I didn’t find funny. To me, it was not funny 10 pages in and remained that way at page 500. I had 211 pages to go when it was time for the book club meeting. People turned up who had read this book. Good people, lovely people with valid opinions and some of these people, who I like and whose opinions I value, liked this book. I’d love to tell you that I listened politely to their views and I did. I also informed them that the book was drivel. I also told them I would finish the book.
The thing is, I’m not going to finish the book. I tried. At 6.30 am this morning, like the good student I am, I carried on reading the wretched thing. I was using my precious non-working day to read something that I hated so much it made me itch. This is not what life is about. We are not forced to read books like a child from the fifties choking down spoonfuls of cod liver oil, books are there to be enjoyed, savoured and loved. They can be challenging, fluffy, familiar friends or new discoveries. They don’t need to be easy but they are not a punishment. This book was the equivalent of doing lines in school.
The book was discarded and another picked up. A novel that’s a page-turner, that is making me greedy for more. It’s blissful. As was the feeling when I put the lead on the dog, did up my duffle coat and walked to my local train station to drop the drainer of joy at our book swapping shelf. Someone else will find pleasure in it. Just like I did in the light, airy feeling I had heading home to curl up with a great book.
We are told so much about the benefits of staying the course. Seeing things through. Keep buggering on. These are all wise things for some of the tough times in life. This too shall pass is sometimes all you need.
But in the easy times? Don’t pick up weights you don’t have to carry. Life is not an endurance test. Focus on the things that bring you true joy and do them. For once I will take my own advice.